• It’s common now to receive a message only when someone needs a favor: “Hey, can you help with this?” or “Do you know someone who can connect me?” The check-ins, the casual conversations, and the simple “how are yous” have become rare.

There’s an uncomfortable shift happening in how we relate to one another especially among young people. Friendships, once built on shared experiences, loyalty, and presence, are increasingly becoming transactional.

It’s common now to receive a message only when someone needs a favor: “Hey, can you help with this?” or “Do you know someone who can connect me?” The check-ins, the casual conversations, and the simple “how are yous” have become rare. We are slowly replacing meaningful bonds with convenience-based relationships.

Some justify it by pointing to the pressures of modern life: school deadlines, side hustles, mental health struggles, or financial stress. But the truth remains when people only show up when they need something, the relationship begins to feel more like a service than a friendship.

Two major forces are fueling this trend. First, hustle culture has convinced many that every interaction must lead to personal gain. We’ve turned people into tools for advancement  who you know has become more important than how well you know them.

Second, social media has made it easy to simulate connection. Liking someone’s post is now seen as support. Sending a meme is the new way to “check in.” But when real life hits heartbreaks, illness, depression many of these digital friendships go silent.

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The result? A growing sense of emotional isolation. Many young people are realizing they’re surrounded, but not supported. They are used, but not seen. And in response, some are pulling away, trusting less, and hardening their hearts creating a cycle of shallow interactions.

We need to break this pattern. Friendship should not be measured by usefulness, but by presence. Reach out without needing something. Show up when it’s inconvenient. Celebrate when they win. Mourn when they lose. Be there even when there’s nothing in it for you.

It’s okay to have boundaries. But if all your friendships are based on benefit, what you have isn’t a circle it’s a marketplace.

In an age where everything is becoming a transaction, let’s fight to keep our friendships real.