Here is Why Relationships Fail After the Honeymoon

Ever wondered why some romantic relationships will last 'till death do us part' and others barely last a week? Every romantic relationship is tested in four distinct stages; the ones that successfully complete the four stages are the ones that fulfil the 'til death do us part,' proverb. 

Understanding the stages of dating and the evolution of relationships can greatly help couples to improve communication, build trust and strengthen the bond.  Below are the four distinctive stages of any romantic relationship:

1. The honeymoon stage: In this stage, everything between the two lovebirds seems to happen effortlessly. Everything is beautiful, and no one forces anything.

There's a force that makes things just happen. At this stage, one can easily be deceived into thinking they have won the battle by finding Mr./Mrs. Right. 

The lovebirds may feel like they are living in another world on Earth. Everything is pretty and gorgeous. They may start fantasising about their future together. 

They forget that the end of a matter is better than its beginning. Everything is looking beautiful because you've just found each other; you need to spend more time together to determine whether you will continue with each other. 

2. The testing stage: This is the second stage of a romantic relationship. Just like it is called, it is the testing stage. This is a critical period for the lovebirds to discover each other's weaknesses and decide whether they will work on them or part ways.

In this stage, love has grown, and she is old enough. Sex is no longer appetising as it was in the honeymoon stage. Feelings for one another are slowly fading off. The acting is over, and reality has set in. 

Therefore, what's next? It is either you tolerate one another, accept the reality or call it quits.

This is the point you start noticing that your partner snores at night, he/she has a body odor, she cannot cook like your mother, he is not as fatherly as your father, she cannot wash your clothes clean, he cannot flash the toilet properly etc.

At this point, each of you will start finding faults in each other.

Although all this is bound to happen, it does not mean that you no longer love one another. It is just an eye-opener into reality. You get to see and know the reality perspective of your partner. 

Many people may start fighting at this point and wondering if they are really in love, but the truth is, you are still in love.

The decision the two of you make to either tolerate one another, accept the reality or call it quits will determine whether the relationship will continue to the next stage or it will end at this point.

3. Give in or give up stage: This stage is described as the most difficult stage of romantic relationships. Some people refer to it as the 'building stage.' It is characterised by a lot of fights between the 'lovebirds', either verbally or physically.

One or both of them may start getting angry at petty things, feeling insecure, especially in moments when you are a part, like working hours, etc. This is the stage where a lot of breakups happen or are highly likely to happen. 

Intimacy may become dry as the love grow cold. Sometimes, at this stage, children may have been born. One partner may shift the attention to the child (ren). This may leave the other partner feeling neglected and abandoned. 

Responsibilities in the family have now increased for both partners, especially if children are involved. The family is growing. The lovebirds may feel overwhelmed. 

The stage requires maturity from both partners for the relationship to continue thriving. 

One may start cheating, thinking the other partner does not or no longer loves them. Therefore, they may continue exploring the world, looking for 'love'.

If  either of the parties is not mature enough to understand the stage at which they are, the relationship may end here. If it does not end, it will progress to stage four, and couple will be celebrating shortly.

4. The winning stage: In this stage, both partners have seemingly matured. they have embraced the reality that they are two different and imperfect individuals living together.

They understand that both of them have different qualities, ambitions, desires, flaws, etc., but they still choose to tolerate each other and stick together regardless of the situation. 

Both of them are willing to compromise so that they can meet at a point for the sake of the relationship and the family at large. 

There is a lot of sacrifice coming from both parties. Each chooses the relationship over their feelings and emotions. 

The energy to fight witnessed in the testing stage is no longer there. Instead, the energy has been diverted to constructive activities like building the home, building finances, nurturing young ones, pursuing higher education if need be, educating children, etc.

At this point, the lovebirds have aged and they are wiser. They care more about retirement, their health, their spirituality and the next generations. 

It is rare for a relationship to break or end at this stage. Therefore, till death do us part is made a reality in this stage.

The reason why many people divorce today is that they marry strangers during their honeymoon stage. Once reality knocks, they think they married the wrong person, their partners have changed, or they were pretending.

This is not true; they only failed to persevere through the refinement period.